January 2, 2016

The Pre-Wedding Weight Loss Lie

The bridal weight loss industry  makes their living from a lie that they created themselves, that of course you should/must/totally will lose weight for your wedding. It’s a huge industry, and they’re counting on you not to question them. But let’s!

This is the day that you celebrate loving and being loved… what on earth does your weight have to do with it?

Unless you’re competing in a power-to-weighy ratio sports event like the UFC on your big day then… WHY? Why would you need to be a smaller size than what you were on the day that your partner and you agreed that you’d like to be together forever? Why would wearing a smaller clothing size make your wedding day more enjoyable and special for your friends and family?

The moment you get engaged, there are people out there counting on you to buy into the shame that will be pushed onto you in subtle ways, from dress shops asking you to wear Spanx for your fitting, to the wedding magazines plugging diets, to the targeted Facebook ads pushing bridal bootcamps.

Wedding photos seem to be the main thing they’re trying to make you worry about, so let’s talk about them. If you want to look and feel happy and confident in your photos, undertaking a regime of external change is less likely to get you there than working on really accepting your body and your self because we know that there are people of all shapes and sizes who feel awful about their bodies, and similarly people of all shapes and sizes who think of themselves and their bodies with compassion, kindness and joy.

What’s more, do you really want to hang pictures in your house of how you look when you force yourself through bootcamps and restricted calorie diets? Will you really look at them in the future and feel good – or will you use them as a way to berate yourself for returning to your usual size and shape (or as the research suggests you will – a little bit bigger)?

What if your photos captured you doing something brave and real? Embracing the fact that you are loved as you are right now?

But especially, think of the children and teenagers you adore who have watched your relationship,
and are now watching it your wedding unfold, and think about what you want your wedding to teach them about love and about being loved.

Do you want them to only see thin people being loved? Do you want to model for them that you must change your appearance to be radiant and happy? Do you want to tell them that you weren’t enough as you were, and that maybe they aren’t either? That there is one way to be beautiful and that is by shrinking? That this is the way relationships work?

Yes, there’ll be a lot of pushback, but taking a stance that is rooted in love and authenticity is a way to be really beautiful on your wedding day.

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